Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Raferty - II

 Raferty sits on his porch. He continues to be a lazy old fart. Just as he was yesterday and the day before. Raferty was pampered his whole entire life. He never did a damn thing but bitch and complain about life not being easy enough. Idiot. He has corns on his feet but that's because he's a crusty old man. They are not the callused walking brand of corns. They're lazy corns and they stink through his socks. By now, Raferty would have dried up and withered away completely if someone had not come up with the idiot idea of funding his entire lazy existence. Natural selection would have run its beautifully simplistic course decades ago, and Raferty would have silently dissolved into the darkness from which he came. Instead Raferty sits on his porch in an idiot sun hat and overalls judging the plantation workers. Raferty has not picked a peanut in almost twenty years, but continually barks remarks and commands. No one understands him because he either stutters or is a slurry mess of drunken verbs or a combination of both. The employees casually walk by and say, "Yes sir." Raferty could never understand why they never took action with his commands, but hearing the words, "Yes, sir," were generally enough to placate Raferty's fits of nonsense. It does not matter either way, Raferty is merely the owner and inconveniently continues to live on the plantation. The Idiot Nut Corporation and Gary Harrison, the person who truly calls the shots on Raferty's plantation, have attempted to relocate Raferty for several years. Raferty however still owns the controlling majority of Idiot Nuts. He leaves "the dumbass business stuff" to Gary and the corporation but leaving his father's plantation is,
"Out of the fucking question. The Jews have taken enough from me and they're not going to take my fuckin' plantation."
Gary once offered to purchase a plot of land for Raferty to relocate to with his own money.
"Raferty, you're just a gosh darn nuisance here."
Raferty would attempt to glare at Gary in intelligent looking manner that only physical highlighted his stupidity.
"You know goddamn you Gary don't think that I don't know what you're up to you want to find my daddy's gold and not let me in send little old Raferty to some other god forsaken plantation and tear up the peanut field I think the fuck not Gary ya little weasel this is my damn plantation my daddy done built it with his bare hands and gosh dammit Gary I helped him I've been on this plantation my whole life and I'm not going to give it to a Jew like you you're lucky I allow you to work for this damn company."
That part is actually completely untrue. The Idiot Nut board of directors would make that decision and Gary is on the board. Raferty knows this information but cannot help acting like an old asshole.
"I'm fucking Scottish Raferty. I am not Jewish there's a difference."
"No there ain't."
"What is your problem Raferty?"
"You jew. Yeh. Yeh. Yeh. Gary."
"Raferty will you please move off the plantation?"
"Fuck no."
"I'm not after your daddy's gold Raferty. This is a business and you living here is bad for business. I guarantee you an even larger profit share for you. A very substantial profit Ragerty. We could be the number one peanut plantation in the world."
"We are the best peanut plantation in the world. Where's there better Gary? Asia? They ain't got no better peanuts than Raferty."
"Raferty please.
"Fuck you Gary."
"That gold is out there Gary and this is my land  you son of bitch. I know you're out there digging up little plots with yer metal detectors. I'm gonna find that gold one day Gary, and if you get to it first you can count on me being there. And I'm gonna shot you in the back of head."
"Fuck you Raferty"
Gary walks away.
"Sissy boy, yeah get off my damn porch. My damn porch. You hear that Gary? Mine."
Despite generally labeling Gary a faget, Raferty was very envious of Gary. He was better looking, more intelligent, strong as hell, would not put up with Raferty's shit, and ran the plantation. When Raferty looks at Gary all he sees is a reflection of his failures and everything he wishes he could have been. 

Raferty "sure as shit" was not going to let faget Gary get to his daddy's gold. Raferty slowly gets out of his rocking chair.

He steps off the porch and watches Gary as he walks out onto the plantation toward the setting sun.
Raferty spits in Gary's direction, "Son of a bitch."

I need my keyboard higher but also a chair that will adjust to the height of typing and sitting that is already comfortable. If I did not have to crotch over the keyboard I feel that I would type while standing more often. I also feel that the words and ideas would flow much quicker and at a more exacting phrasing a precision that can only be achieved by standing. The experience would provide exercise and physical stimulation that is more conducive to the brain.